More and more I know that God is forcing me to come to terms with a number of things inside. To surrender more, to be honest with myself and him more. Deeper and deeper this recognition goes. I came to a point today where I literally had to surrender more. And there's more to surrender yet still. He wants all of me; not some of me. And I say this, but I need to more than just say it; more than just know it. It needs to be an enduring reality for me.
So much is on my heart. I know some people right now who are going through some very difficult times. And the thing is, they are a strong in faith. I can't help but thinking that I am not owed anything, nor am I entitled to anything. Just be grateful and have faith is all I can think when it comes to my own standing in this life. I pray for them, think of them, and its crazy because the pressure they feel, I can't even imagine. I can only sympathize.
Also, I had a conversation today that I really needed to have. You know how people are honest with you, and its so healthy and it cuts so deep that you can only be thankful for them and for it? Yeah; thats the conversation I had earlier.
A number of things have happened recently. I had an amazing house warming. It felt so good to have a full home, to be around people I loved, and to see genuine smiles and heartfelt laughter. And I mean really heartfelt laughter....quick side note; I passed a church sign the other day that said, "Laughter is an instant vacation". How true is that?!
Also, I went to a singles workshop at this African American Methodist Church. The theme of the workshop was on removing our mask's and embracing authenticity. What mask you may ask? Well, the one we put on every morning, the one that the world sees thats put in place of whats really inside.
The session I got the most from was the session for the young adults. We talked about masks again. The negative affects that our masks have on us and others throughout the time. And how the mask affects our walk spiritually before God. We talked about how God truly wants authenticity from us, and how those in our lives will benefit so much more from our authenticity. We did a task that proved to be especially healthy. We each received a black sheet of paper with a blank white face in the middle of it. We were to write both what our mask was and what was behind it in that space. And once done...we shared it with one another.
I tell you no lie; I felt heat come out of the back of my head when I read what my mask was, and what was behind it.
Needless to say....wait, let me go get the sheet. Because it might not be so needless to say. I should just say it.
Went to go get it from the car.
Alright so imagine the sheet that I described up above. Now imagine a line drawn down the middle of the white-blank face.
On the left is what my mask is or rather, what people may perceive when they see me, and on the right is whats behind it. So for the purposes of this blog I will just have my mask on the left with dash dash dash then whats behind the mask on the right.
Smiling --- -----------Intermittedly Joyeful and Content, extremely joyful when in the spirit. Most time extremely thoughtful
Shy-----Sometimes shy; Inner and untapped Strength; Outgoing
Quiet-----Very communicative,
Humble---Sometimes I am humble, other times I am stubborn
Loving---Extremely Loving and Caring, but I can also be partial which is not good
Collected---Not always together
OK---Not always Ok, Insecure, Worrier, Needy
I guess, to digress a bit, all of my mask is really me, just; theres more to it you know? Guess thats what it means to be human.
Thats what I put on my sheet and thats what I shared, but theres a whole lot more. I pray I can do this with the college group at my congregation that I am a part of. Speaking of which I was able to give my first bible study lesson last night to the college group. I thank God for the experience. It felt good to just read scripture and hear others thoughts on what they got from it.
Few more thoughts.
Someone anonymously paid for my trip to the mens retreat this year. I'm so grateful because I honestly could not afford it. God is faithful.
Oh yeah, I had a brief stent on Eharmony....By the third day there about 34 matches. I ended up closing my account though. I don't think eharmony or online matching is for me. I want to stick to real life interactions and I realized that more when I spent time with the youth group at the African American Methodist church I attended. I met some very good people and I plan on spending more time with them. Funny thing though about eharmony. It matched me with someone I personally knew. When I told her she said, "hahaha, awkward" hehe.
Anyway. What else before I close? Ah yes. My best friend, is going to be working with me. I am extremely happy for him, and also anticipating what God is going to do in both our lives in general in the long run. Soul strengthening times are ahead I believe.
Thank you blog reader for your time. Keep me this young man in prayer if you don't mind :) Peace.
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4 comments:
I'm still laughing about it. Awkward only because you're like a BROTHER to me. lol. though honestly, I was expecting it - how many of us Messianic Jews are really out there? ha!
I'm an eharmony dropout, too! I realized that I'm not comfortable around people if I don't know them in real life and have not had a friendship first. So eharmony was not for me. I met my husband soon after that--and we were friends first. :)
hey danny. Very interesting blog... I found the part about the mask interesting in the sense because I tend to wear a mask sometimes. I usually call it my church face though. Like if I'm in an exceptionally bad mood over something entirely stupid and foolish and then I'm forced by circumstance and pride to be with other ppl. Or well.honestly to hide any negative thhoughts or behavior that would definitely not be of Yah. But I guess even if I hide them Yah still knows they are there. I guess the toughest part is training yourself tp think pure and not how the world would think...
and as far as eharmony goes..Yah will bring someone special into your life..whether or not it's someone you meet through your gatherings or another source..but if we try to rush Him we lose a portion of our heart and then we are back to square 1....
anyway much love in Messiah brother. Btw the Halls are camping in MO this weekend and the next week for Sukkot..hiking.camping.. You'll have to give Sean a shout so he can tell you how awesome it was..ozark mountains ... Etc.. :)
Thank you all for your comments. Ciara, I hear you sis. And Robyn thank you for the encouragement, its beautiful how things work out. Eli, I totally feel and agree with everything you say. I am in the same boat regarding my mask. Thank you for the sound wisdom regarding not rushing our Father. I saw the pictures from you all's trip. They look awesome and made me realize all the more how much I miss you all. Take care sis.
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