My lasts two blog posts have focused a lot on my present circumstances and reflections since leaving my past congregation; this is because at present that event is the most life changing and the most affecting. As I stated before I received immeasurable blessing and benefit during the four and a half years that I was there, and there is not a day that goes by when I don't think about what I no longer have. It is taking a strength that is not my own to not remain in sorrow and regret, and to have joy in the good in life that I have been blessed with since that time.
As time goes on, I reflect more and more on the changes within me and the things that led up to that moment of my leaving. I know with a clear conscious that I tried to maintain my changes within as well as my fellowship with my congregation as long as I could, but it seems now that it was only a matter of time before that would be ended. I know all things happen for a reason, but God knows I did not see my leaving coming. In the end I had to make a choice, leave or stay, and I choose to leave, believing in those moments that that was the right thing to do. Now I wonder what would have happened had I stayed. There are times I regret my choice, and the times when I don't I fight myself to not let go of personal accountability in the things that transpired over time.
In this blog I want to address two issues; "identity" and "cleansing (baptism)" as these were two of the things that were part of the changes within me and the divide between myself and my congregation's understanding/convictions/beliefs.
For years, because of what I was taught and personal conviction I believed that I was a physical descendant of Israel. Israel is God's chosen people, Israel is who he made his Covenants with; and Israel is who God sent His Son to redeem and reign over forever.(as saith the scriptures.)I and my congregation held this belief, along with the belief that ALL who followed Israel's Messiah, in obedience and faith and truth were physically descended from Israel; the identity of the believer being revealed by the one whom belief is placed in because He (Christ)indeed came for them. In acknowledging these things the belief followed that salvation was only for Israel. I held this belief also.
I will spare all of the scriptural break downs, for the sake of space and time; so let it suffice to say that this was the belief held by myself and my congregation. Now to go a bit deeper into these views concerning identity and Israel, one must understand also that my congregation (as well as I at that time) held the belief that the majority of African Americans, as well as the Native Peoples of the Americas were the descendants of the children of Israel, drawing from interpretations of scriptures that we believed to support this. The congregation that I was apart of is descended from an identity movement known by many names, (Israelite, Hebrew Israelite, Black Hebrew Israelites, Hebrews,etc.) this movement has many branches, ideologies, and denominations. **And more than one origin also**
The congregation that I was apart of before this congregation was also apart of that particular movement; which is why, at the age of 14 when I gave my life to God, apart of my faith for the years to come, embraced the belief that I was an Israelite.
I came to this congregation with this belief, and they broadened my insight into who Israel was, teaching me that it was more than just about being black, Latino, or native american, but that it was about anyone, from any nation following Christ, and that lifestyle revealing that they too were descendants of scattered Israel throughout the earth.
As I began to interact with other believers over the past year and half, believers who were not black, latino, or native american, I began to view them as Israel also; and this not only gave me great joy but it fascinated me, to the point where I was literally enthralled by the beauty and diversity of a single nation of people, all at the work of the hand of God. Because; again, with my school thought, to see someone who was of an ethnicity other than what was in my congregation, and the knowledge that "other ethnicities" were Israelites too; to have physical, tangible proof of it in my relationships was awing to me. Within a short amount of time I met believers from many nationalities.
So I began to interact more and more with believers who were not apart of my congregation, and overtime I began to reconsider scriptures that I believed I had figured out.
One of the things I reexamined was God's promise to Abraham that he would bless all the families of the earth through his seed; I made the connection in the New Testament that Christ was that "seed" as it says in Galatians Chapter 3; and thus fulfilling the blessing to "all the families of the earth".
So although Israel was the one family of the earth that God choose and made Covenants with; he extended those blessings to "all the families of the earth" through Abraham's seed which was Christ, Israel's Messiah. The One who atones for and takes away the "sins of the world" and who said Himself that he was mans bridge back to the Heavenly Father.
So I began to see the bigger picture that salvation was not for the family of Israel alone, but for all the families of the earth who took hold of Abraham's "Seed" through faith.
This caused me to reexamine my emphasis on the importance of blood lineage from Israel as a part of my faith. I began to reexamine the fact that I very well may not have been a literal descendant of Israel, but that it was ok, as long as I (no matter what I was physically) took hold of Abraham's seed which was Christ. My faith in Christ was what I could be sure of, and guaranteed salvation, whereas my physical descent from Israel was unprovable and thus something I could not be sure of.
What deepened this conviction was my friendship with a Jewish believer. As I got to know him, and our relationship grew in its bonds, I felt guilty for my past beliefs regarding his people. See I was taught, (and believed) that "Jewish" people were not true Israel, but rather they were usurpers of the children of Israel's identity.
And the more I examined myself, and my beliefs, I realized that that claim (at least as far as I could see) was both unnecessary and unfounded. Who was I to think that they were not who they said and believed they were? I got to a point where my mindset was simply, God forbid that I should say that the Jewish people are not Israel and God knows who physical Israel is and thats all that matters.
At this point, I also began to have a respect, love and admiration for the Jewish people; something that (because of personal interaction, and a desire to be rid of prejudice)I did not have up until that point in my life.
I remember recently writing a letter to my Jewish friend explaining to him these things, it was really therapeutic for me to get all of those thoughts out.
So thats it;I began to completely change how I perceived my identity, I placed it solely in Christ; trusting that rather I was an Israelite or not, that I was still able to take part in God's salvation through His Son, take part of his Covenants given to his people Israel....rather I was a natural descendant or not. And this change of belief, is something I kept to myself; believing that it was more necessary to preserve fellowship and unity than to let my congregation know what I now believed to be true. In retrospect, I believe I should have addressed this issue up front, but I didn't, and this issue, was one of the issues that came to the surface as I talked with my teachers the day that I left.
The second issue I would like to address is "Cleansing/ Baptism"
I will make this short......there are countless scriptures that speak about the inward cleansing that God does, and the desired change (inwardly) in man that He requires. Here are just a few.
Psalms 119:9
Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.
Isaiah 1:16
Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil;
John 6:63 (Christ Speaks)
It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.
John 15:3 (Christ Speaks)
Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.
Ephesians 5:25-26
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
1 Peter 3:21
The like figure whereunto even baptism doth also now save us (not the putting away of the filth of the flesh, but the answer of a good conscience toward God,) by the resurrection of Jesus Christ:
Titus 3:4-6
But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,
Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour;
Psalms 51:4-7
Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Because of the scriptures above, emphasizing the inward cleansing of applying God's Word in our lives, and the inward change he desires, I came to understand my congregations convictions (which were my own) that baptism, was done inwardly and not outwardly, and thus the actual submersion in water was unnecessary, and itself a cleansing ritual done away with in the change of priesthoods spoken of in the book of Hebrews (chapters 8,9, and 10 respectively).
I had never been physically water baptized since coming into the faith, and although I knew the true significance of baptism; (being a process of cleansing that takes affect daily as one dies to themselves and obeys God's Word) I still (in secret) chose to be water baptized. I got to a point where although I knew what true cleansing was, I saw in the scriptures that many of faith still were water baptized; Paul did it, Cornelius did it, Phillip did it, countless believers of the 1st century apart of the first church did it, and last but not least Christ himself did it; I realized that it wasn't an issue of "one or the other" but it very well was both;....rather or not that is true I still don't know; I am far from claiming that I have it all figured out, but I do know that in the scriptures, both the outward and inward baptism took place. This is why I was water baptized; to take part in one as well as the other.
And I tried to keep this to myself; (again for the sake of preserving fellowship and unity, and the belief that my actions were between myself and God) but as God would have it, my being water baptized came out in that last conversation with my teachers also.
So in the end these two issues came to the surface.......but on a deeper level, beyond these doctrinal issues, I know that I left my congregation in my heart long before I left physically.
My experiences with other believers, rekindled something that has always been apart of me, it nurtured my openness, and my desire to see and understand the Body of Christ as a whole...across denominational, doctrinal, and ideological barriers...to simply share life with those who had a sincerity in their faith and obedience to Christ....with all their myriads of differences.....I understood well from my own experiences that those who had a sincerity of faith all over the world would naturally have "differences" do to life, circumstance, and simply being on different levels on their journey of faith in seeking the Heavenly Father through His Son...
There was also a struggle within me to truly love my brothers, my family there at my congregation, as I loved myself.....yet I rarely ever got to that point.....there were times when familiarity breed contempt, and I found myself fighting to find and live a semblance of love more often than not..then there were the times when I was free of this struggle and was able to truly love and those were the times when I realized all the more the importance of preserving unity and fellowship, and that "knowledge makes pride, but charity edifies", and I truly cherished at those times the true family that I had there.
Deep down there was a shame also.....a shame that I was still part of a movement whose ideals I no longer agreed with.....yet I could not neglect my family, because indeed I had family there such as I had never known in my entire life, true love, true brotherhood...... and their doctrine, their foundation; was repentance, self examination, and following Christ, (and keeping the commandments in accordance with his example he set while on earth)........three things that very few places of faith focused on, things that Christ himself taught while on earth "Repent ye for the Kingdom of Heaven is at Hand"......I couldn't deny this truth, yet my carnality wanted to see that they were still an "Israelite" congregation.......still apart of "that movement"..(even though in truth, they were not; they had grown and were continuing to grow away from that starting point).....every now and then I would consider the negative stigmas that came with the term, Israelite,Black Israelite, etc...the youtube videos, the racists extremists and fanatics out there who also shared this title......and although my congregation was far from these things.......in my mind those stigmas were still there.......
one thing I consider now also is that I cannot deny the fact that God saw fit to bring me into a life of faith and obedience to him through this "movement"..and that I cannot be proud against short comings of the movement that I have come to see.....I know that no one,anywhere has it all "figured out"...as the scriptures says..
1 Corinthians 13:9-10
9For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
so when Christ comes, all will be revealed, all these doctrinal differences and understanding will not matter.......all that matters now is a life of dieing to ourselves and seeking our Father through his Son all the more by being obedient to him in all things....repentance, faith, obedience...
I don't know everything, nor do I claim to, I know that I am a sinner, I know that I am nothing, and I know that my desire is to do right by the things that the Heavenly Father places before me in life as they come....now that I am no longer apart of my congregation, I think about the things that I did and did not do right, and seek to learn from my mistakes and move forward, to do right by the other things the Father has for me....whatever they may be....I have alot of growing to do...and this journey has not yet ended so I must keep going...
so I write these thoughts for you the reader....but also, more so for myself.....so I can understand, and sift through my thoughts, to see what really happened.......I still don't have it all figured out.....but this is a start..
shalom to whomever reads this....
Closing Scriptures
Exodus 19:5-6
Amos 3:1-2
Jeremiah 31:31-33
Matthew 1:21
****
Genesis 22:15-18
Galatians 3:6-9;14;16-29
Ephesians Chapter 2
Isaiah 56:1-8
Isaiah 49:1-6
***
John 13:34-35
1 Corinthians 8:1
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment